"Having it all"
Man, that phrase annoys me to no end. No one can have it all. Dads who work and are the primary earner trade off on the experience of being the primary caregiver. Always have, even when most moms were SAHM's. SAHM's trade off the experience of being the primary earner. The modern paradigm is a two earner household. Mom and Dad are both making trade offs between their "traditional" roles, careers, child care, family, personal fulfillment, etc.
News flash: That is just life. We all make compromises. Life involves making choices: deciding how you are going to live, whether or not to have children, how to raise your children, make a living, worship... the list is endless. You make your choices, those choices drive other choices, and so on and so forth. You make your way through the maze. Where you end up is not always determined by the first choice you made, but sometimes it is. Maybe you hit a dead end, turn around and try again. Maybe you stay there, endlessly trying to walk through a brick wall. Maybe you hit to sweet spot, take just the right turn, and get the golden exit (dying asleep in your bed with all your wits at a ripe old age with no regrets).
One thing is for certain: you can't take every turn, you can't end up at every exit.
Obviously, there's much more at play on the "having it all" discourse, particularly from the woman's perspective. Moreover, some people's choices are limited by their circumstance. That's a whole other topic. The point remains, nevertheless, that everyone makes choices and choices necessarily involve trade offs. The real stinker here is that we women bought in to the concept that we can "have it all." My sister in law likes to say "they told us we could have it all, they just didn't tell us no one would share it." I think that's the real underlying issue: the distribution of responsibilities, not having it all. The overarching issue is the definition of "it all." Is it having the full caregiver role which is foisted on women (whether they want it or not) plus a career? Why can't it be something different, and you know, realistic?
Everyone needs to quit trying to fit the square peg that is modern life into the round hole by which "it all" continues to be defined.
Julie
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