Having It All

"Having it all"

Man, that phrase annoys me to no end.  No one can have it all.  Dads who work and are the primary earner trade off on the experience of being the primary caregiver.  Always have, even when most moms were SAHM's.  SAHM's trade off the experience of being the primary earner.  The modern paradigm is a two earner household.  Mom and Dad are both making trade offs between their "traditional" roles, careers, child care, family, personal fulfillment, etc.

News flash:  That is just life.  We all make compromises.  Life involves making choices:  deciding how you are going to live, whether or not to have children, how to raise your children, make a living, worship... the list is endless.    You make your choices, those choices drive other choices, and so on and so forth.  You make your way through the maze.  Where you end up is not always determined by the first choice you made, but sometimes it is. Maybe you hit a dead end, turn around and try again.  Maybe you stay there, endlessly trying to walk through a brick wall.  Maybe you hit to sweet spot, take just the right turn, and get the golden exit (dying asleep in your bed with all your wits at a ripe old age with no regrets).

One thing is for certain:   you can't take every turn, you can't end up at every exit.

Obviously, there's much more at play on the "having it all" discourse, particularly from the woman's perspective.  Moreover, some people's choices are limited by their circumstance.  That's a whole other topic.  The point remains, nevertheless, that everyone makes choices and choices necessarily involve trade offs.  The real stinker here is that we women bought in to the concept that we can "have it all."  My sister in law likes to say "they told us we could have it all, they just didn't tell us no one would share it."  I think that's the real underlying issue:  the distribution of responsibilities, not having it all.  The overarching issue is the definition of "it all." Is it having the full caregiver role which is foisted on women (whether they want it or not) plus a career?  Why can't it be something different, and you know, realistic?


Everyone needs to quit trying to fit the square peg that is modern life into the round hole by which "it all" continues to be defined.


Julie


My Website

Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

A Travelogue

Pool View Room, Hard Rock Hotel, Orlando

We just took a vacation to Orlando. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel. We went to Islands of Adventure, City Walk, & Universal Studios Park. We ate way too much, walked about a thousand miles, and had a blast.

Why the Hard Rock? It is our favorite of the three Universal properties. The rooms are very nice, and the staff is friendly and competent. When there's a problem, they get right on it and make it better. And I do mean friendly, not pleasant or merely courteous. From the valet to the engineer coming in to check an outlet to the bellman on your way to check out, the staff is engaged, friendly and helpful. I cannot recommend the Hard Rock more.


In addition to the staff and great rooms, the pool is killer. They have a great slide. You can hear the music underwater. There's live entertainment. The poolside restaurant and bar is great. Here again, the service was great. They even do a movie poolside on some nights. Fun for everyone.

Hard Rock Orlando Lanyard

Another perk to staying at a Universal resort is the automatic Fast Pass. Your room key used to serve as your fast pass, but now you use the key to print a separate pass. The upside is that the fast pass line is even quicker now (Universal instituted this policy because room keys were being misused). The wait to make the pass was just a couple of minutes and it was easy. I would do it right away, not in the morning when you are ready to go to the parks. The only downside is that the tickets are paper, and degrade quickly in water. We finally broke down and bought a lanyard with a plastic pouch for carrying the passes. There's even some lanyards that come with a sealable pouch.

If you stay at a Universal Resort, you also get in both parks an hour early. At Islands of Adventure, Harry Potter world is open. We got into Ollivander's Wand Shop in under 20 minutes, and then practically walked on the ride in Hogwart's. The wand show can have waits of up to 3 hours, so doing it first is the only way to fly.

We go for the wet rides at Islands of Adventure, so we wear our suits with cover ups & t-shirts. I usually end up with a tote of some kind with dry shirts, etc. It is so hot though that we dried off quickly. Word to the wise: the stuff you carry will expand to fill the space available. Choose your tote wisely.  By the last day, I was carrying a clutch sized cross body bag and telling everyone to carry their own freight.



Two things I discovered this trip: a sunscreen and a makeup product. The sunscreen is by Banana Boat. The SPF is 85, and it works. Don't believe the can, it is greasy as can be. But it works.  No sunburn.

 The makeup is a Beauty Balm by Smashbox. The SPF is 35 and it works. This is one of those BB Creams that is 5 in 1. I was not loving it until this trip, but I am now a true believer. I went all day and half the night taking several waves of water to the face and my makeup was still there at the end of the day. Good stuff.

The Hulk, Islands of Adventure
Universal Studios, Orlando

New rides: I got shamed into riding Dragon Challenge, and it was every nightmare I've ever had or imagined rolled into one upside down twisted experience. I don't recommend it.  I also tried out The Hulk, which was awesome.




Hope everyone has safe and wonderful travels this summer!



Julie

My Website

Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Jessica Simpson Platforms for Hump Day

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Christie's shoe game is fierce today

How I Do It "ALL"

At least once a month, I hear some variation of the following: 

 "You're a wife, a mother, a lawyer, you own your own business.....I just don't know how you do it. How do you do it all?"

This question, depending on whatever outside factors are at play, rarely fails to incite a towering rage within;  sometimes, I even feel the need to punch the speaker in their stupid pie hole.  I know most people are in their way, probably attempting to compliment me;  nevertheless, my inner dialogue when this conversation takes place goes something like this:  

"Wow, I've never been asked THAT before.  I bet Bob* has never once been asked "You're a husband, a father, a lawyer, and you hold down a full time job with immense responsibility to your community to put murderers in prison.  How do you do it all?"  NOT ONE TIME HAS HE BEEN ASKED THIS INSULTING QUESTION.  NOT ONE TIME."

*My long suffering, saintly husband, awesome father to my

two children, grill master, and bad ass attorney extraordinaire.

Where does the notion that I, as a woman, am less able than a man to handle the same responsibilities of an adult with a job and children?  Is it because men are not expected to be the primary child rearing parent?  Or because I am, based on my gender alone, supposed to be the more "involved" parent.  What a slap in both our faces.  In one fell swoop, the speaker has insulted both me and my husband.  

And in that question there is this implication that I am somehow NOT prioritizing things correctly.  Perhaps that is my personal issue:  some lingering guilt over not staying at home and cutting the crusts off their sandwiches and putting little inspirational notes in their pack lunches....  Then I remember, that's not me.  That's this idealized mother that some advertising guy in the 50's came up with and the collective swallowed up hook, line and sinker.  

My mother was and remains a phenomenal mother.  She cooked, she cleaned, she even worked part time.  Our family was the focus of her world, and I don't think she regrets a minute of it. Our home was spotless, always. She packed our lunches in little brown bags, or in our chosen lunch box of the school year.  I never ironed a shirt.  Our clothes were hanging in our closet ironed.  I still marvel over this one to this day.  A girl on the hall in my dorm had to teach me how to iron a pair of pants (thank you Betsy!).  But even though I did not know how to run the washer and dryer until the day I left for college (we had a 5 minute tutorial in front of the w/d right before I drove off), my brother and I were not cosseted.  We didn't leave the nest unique little snowflakes harboring a sense of entitlement due to the sheer fact of our existence.  

My mother did it all, but she did it her way.  And really, in the mommy wars, the woman who does it her way and tells everyone else to bugger off is the winner.

I'm not my mother.  I don't cook that much because I do not enjoy it in the least.  When I do cook something elaborate for them, I like to think my kids know how much I love them because they sure know how much I do not enjoy cooking.  I'll pack their lunch, if they ask nicely and remind me several times.  Advance notice is required.  I even recently cut crusts off of a PB&J for my son (extenuating circumstances there of an orthodontic nature).  I really hate laundry.  I only iron in the most dire of circumstances.  My house isn't a health code violation, mainly because we choose to have a wonderful person come in and do that for us on a regular basis.  My ladies at work know my kids well because sometimes they have to go pick them up and take them places for me.  Or, my kids come to my office with me for whatever reason.   I drive my son crazy getting him places on time (there's two sides to that story....he's light on advance notice and details) and I am constantly having to get things done at the last minute.  Nevertheless, somehow, Bob and I manage to take care of our kids and so far, I think we are doing a decent job of turning out some quality human beings.  

I work.  Probably not as hard or as efficiently as I should, but there it is.  I own my own business.    I am responsible to four other people and their families every other Monday to make payroll.  My career is stressful, adversarial as hell, time consuming.  Often it comes home with me at nights and on the weekend.  I'm cranky.  A lot.  But, I chose this career and I am in it for the long haul. Some days, I even love it.  It is who I am and it is part of what makes me the mother I am to my kids.  Good and bad.  

So, back to that infuriating question.  It irks me because it implies that I've taken on more than I can handle, or that I have somehow shortchanged my designated roles as mother and wife for a career.  The short answer to the question is that I don't do it all.  At least, not the "all" that the question implies.  

To all my sisters in arms out there, just keep doing it your way. If we start defining that "all" differently, maybe our daughters won't get asked the same thing.

With that rant complete, I've got to jet.  My house is a wreck, and Ms. Sharon will just turn around and leave if I don't get it ready for her.    

Have a great weekend everyone.

Julie

My Website

Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved