Last week I shared the story of an old client,
Smokey Susan. Susan originally came to see me because the funeral home would not let her direct the disposition of her ex-husband's remains since there was another person claiming that right, and no clear winner to the dispute.
Susan really had no claim to any right to bury Joe: they weren't married, and the fact that she was the mother of Joe's only child (a minor) was not very persuasive. If no one else had claimed the right to direct disposition, Susan would have been okay. The problem was Melanie's claim that under Joe's will, she had the right to make disposition decisions.
How could the dispute over what to do with Joe's remains have been resolved? The best way to avoid a problem at the funeral home is to execute an Appointment of Agent to Dispose of Bodily Remains. In this document, you can name an agent as well as a successor agent. You can also be as detailed or as nonspecific as you choose.
For example, I have clients who have very specific wishes with respect to burial versus cremation. Along those same lines, many clients have very specific wishes with respect to their place of burial, or the treatment of their ashes.
You can also outline the type of service, if any, you want held in addition to other details. As examples, I will share excerpts out of two of my favorite "directives":
I. "I am to be buried in the family plot at the farm in Alabama, in the space between my mother and grandfather and I am to be dressed in the blue silk kimono my second husband brought me back from the War."
II. "I do not want any type of service at the funeral home, or viewing. Please bury me next to my wife, and have the preacher give a graveside service for family only. On the following Saturday night, host a night in my honor at American Veterans Lodge # and open a $500 tab for my friends."
Both of these people are gone now, and their agents did as instructed.
I strongly recommend this document for couples when their children are a "Brady Bunch" or if their children fight and argue. Often, deep resentments surface after the death of a loved one, and for some reason it starts at the funeral home. I've had many a phone call from a distressed widow or widower who has found out at the funeral home that the stepchildren have very different ideas about where their deceased parent should be buried. The strangest one was the case where the deceased had divorced the mother of the stepchildren 30 years prior, but the stepchildren wanted him buried next to their deceased mother (his ex-wife of 30 years) her rather than his current wife of 20 years!
Another way to avoid this situation is to purchase a prepaid funeral plan. This allows you to decide many of the details in advance, and pay for it.
Many people think that an instruction in their will regarding their burial will suffice, and fifty years ago this was true; however, the will has to be admitted to probate and the personal representative appointed before the personal representative has the legal authority to carry out your wishes. Consider the time involved in
finding an attorney, an appointment, preparation of the pleadings, and waiting on the court to enter an order and issue Letters of Administration. Even in the best of times, you could be facing a delay of 2-4 weeks, and that is only if everyone involved is on the same page. If there is a dispute about the will, or there is no will and a dispute among the heirs about who should serve as personal representative, the delay could be months in duration. That's a long time to wait.
Julie
Copyright 2013 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved
