Having It All

"Having it all"

Man, that phrase annoys me to no end.  No one can have it all.  Dads who work and are the primary earner trade off on the experience of being the primary caregiver.  Always have, even when most moms were SAHM's.  SAHM's trade off the experience of being the primary earner.  The modern paradigm is a two earner household.  Mom and Dad are both making trade offs between their "traditional" roles, careers, child care, family, personal fulfillment, etc.

News flash:  That is just life.  We all make compromises.  Life involves making choices:  deciding how you are going to live, whether or not to have children, how to raise your children, make a living, worship... the list is endless.    You make your choices, those choices drive other choices, and so on and so forth.  You make your way through the maze.  Where you end up is not always determined by the first choice you made, but sometimes it is. Maybe you hit a dead end, turn around and try again.  Maybe you stay there, endlessly trying to walk through a brick wall.  Maybe you hit to sweet spot, take just the right turn, and get the golden exit (dying asleep in your bed with all your wits at a ripe old age with no regrets).

One thing is for certain:   you can't take every turn, you can't end up at every exit.

Obviously, there's much more at play on the "having it all" discourse, particularly from the woman's perspective.  Moreover, some people's choices are limited by their circumstance.  That's a whole other topic.  The point remains, nevertheless, that everyone makes choices and choices necessarily involve trade offs.  The real stinker here is that we women bought in to the concept that we can "have it all."  My sister in law likes to say "they told us we could have it all, they just didn't tell us no one would share it."  I think that's the real underlying issue:  the distribution of responsibilities, not having it all.  The overarching issue is the definition of "it all." Is it having the full caregiver role which is foisted on women (whether they want it or not) plus a career?  Why can't it be something different, and you know, realistic?


Everyone needs to quit trying to fit the square peg that is modern life into the round hole by which "it all" continues to be defined.


Julie


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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

A Travelogue

Pool View Room, Hard Rock Hotel, Orlando

We just took a vacation to Orlando. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel. We went to Islands of Adventure, City Walk, & Universal Studios Park. We ate way too much, walked about a thousand miles, and had a blast.

Why the Hard Rock? It is our favorite of the three Universal properties. The rooms are very nice, and the staff is friendly and competent. When there's a problem, they get right on it and make it better. And I do mean friendly, not pleasant or merely courteous. From the valet to the engineer coming in to check an outlet to the bellman on your way to check out, the staff is engaged, friendly and helpful. I cannot recommend the Hard Rock more.


In addition to the staff and great rooms, the pool is killer. They have a great slide. You can hear the music underwater. There's live entertainment. The poolside restaurant and bar is great. Here again, the service was great. They even do a movie poolside on some nights. Fun for everyone.

Hard Rock Orlando Lanyard

Another perk to staying at a Universal resort is the automatic Fast Pass. Your room key used to serve as your fast pass, but now you use the key to print a separate pass. The upside is that the fast pass line is even quicker now (Universal instituted this policy because room keys were being misused). The wait to make the pass was just a couple of minutes and it was easy. I would do it right away, not in the morning when you are ready to go to the parks. The only downside is that the tickets are paper, and degrade quickly in water. We finally broke down and bought a lanyard with a plastic pouch for carrying the passes. There's even some lanyards that come with a sealable pouch.

If you stay at a Universal Resort, you also get in both parks an hour early. At Islands of Adventure, Harry Potter world is open. We got into Ollivander's Wand Shop in under 20 minutes, and then practically walked on the ride in Hogwart's. The wand show can have waits of up to 3 hours, so doing it first is the only way to fly.

We go for the wet rides at Islands of Adventure, so we wear our suits with cover ups & t-shirts. I usually end up with a tote of some kind with dry shirts, etc. It is so hot though that we dried off quickly. Word to the wise: the stuff you carry will expand to fill the space available. Choose your tote wisely.  By the last day, I was carrying a clutch sized cross body bag and telling everyone to carry their own freight.



Two things I discovered this trip: a sunscreen and a makeup product. The sunscreen is by Banana Boat. The SPF is 85, and it works. Don't believe the can, it is greasy as can be. But it works.  No sunburn.

 The makeup is a Beauty Balm by Smashbox. The SPF is 35 and it works. This is one of those BB Creams that is 5 in 1. I was not loving it until this trip, but I am now a true believer. I went all day and half the night taking several waves of water to the face and my makeup was still there at the end of the day. Good stuff.

The Hulk, Islands of Adventure
Universal Studios, Orlando

New rides: I got shamed into riding Dragon Challenge, and it was every nightmare I've ever had or imagined rolled into one upside down twisted experience. I don't recommend it.  I also tried out The Hulk, which was awesome.




Hope everyone has safe and wonderful travels this summer!



Julie

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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Jessica Simpson Platforms for Hump Day

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Christie's shoe game is fierce today

How I Do It "ALL"

At least once a month, I hear some variation of the following: 

 "You're a wife, a mother, a lawyer, you own your own business.....I just don't know how you do it. How do you do it all?"

This question, depending on whatever outside factors are at play, rarely fails to incite a towering rage within;  sometimes, I even feel the need to punch the speaker in their stupid pie hole.  I know most people are in their way, probably attempting to compliment me;  nevertheless, my inner dialogue when this conversation takes place goes something like this:  

"Wow, I've never been asked THAT before.  I bet Bob* has never once been asked "You're a husband, a father, a lawyer, and you hold down a full time job with immense responsibility to your community to put murderers in prison.  How do you do it all?"  NOT ONE TIME HAS HE BEEN ASKED THIS INSULTING QUESTION.  NOT ONE TIME."

*My long suffering, saintly husband, awesome father to my

two children, grill master, and bad ass attorney extraordinaire.

Where does the notion that I, as a woman, am less able than a man to handle the same responsibilities of an adult with a job and children?  Is it because men are not expected to be the primary child rearing parent?  Or because I am, based on my gender alone, supposed to be the more "involved" parent.  What a slap in both our faces.  In one fell swoop, the speaker has insulted both me and my husband.  

And in that question there is this implication that I am somehow NOT prioritizing things correctly.  Perhaps that is my personal issue:  some lingering guilt over not staying at home and cutting the crusts off their sandwiches and putting little inspirational notes in their pack lunches....  Then I remember, that's not me.  That's this idealized mother that some advertising guy in the 50's came up with and the collective swallowed up hook, line and sinker.  

My mother was and remains a phenomenal mother.  She cooked, she cleaned, she even worked part time.  Our family was the focus of her world, and I don't think she regrets a minute of it. Our home was spotless, always. She packed our lunches in little brown bags, or in our chosen lunch box of the school year.  I never ironed a shirt.  Our clothes were hanging in our closet ironed.  I still marvel over this one to this day.  A girl on the hall in my dorm had to teach me how to iron a pair of pants (thank you Betsy!).  But even though I did not know how to run the washer and dryer until the day I left for college (we had a 5 minute tutorial in front of the w/d right before I drove off), my brother and I were not cosseted.  We didn't leave the nest unique little snowflakes harboring a sense of entitlement due to the sheer fact of our existence.  

My mother did it all, but she did it her way.  And really, in the mommy wars, the woman who does it her way and tells everyone else to bugger off is the winner.

I'm not my mother.  I don't cook that much because I do not enjoy it in the least.  When I do cook something elaborate for them, I like to think my kids know how much I love them because they sure know how much I do not enjoy cooking.  I'll pack their lunch, if they ask nicely and remind me several times.  Advance notice is required.  I even recently cut crusts off of a PB&J for my son (extenuating circumstances there of an orthodontic nature).  I really hate laundry.  I only iron in the most dire of circumstances.  My house isn't a health code violation, mainly because we choose to have a wonderful person come in and do that for us on a regular basis.  My ladies at work know my kids well because sometimes they have to go pick them up and take them places for me.  Or, my kids come to my office with me for whatever reason.   I drive my son crazy getting him places on time (there's two sides to that story....he's light on advance notice and details) and I am constantly having to get things done at the last minute.  Nevertheless, somehow, Bob and I manage to take care of our kids and so far, I think we are doing a decent job of turning out some quality human beings.  

I work.  Probably not as hard or as efficiently as I should, but there it is.  I own my own business.    I am responsible to four other people and their families every other Monday to make payroll.  My career is stressful, adversarial as hell, time consuming.  Often it comes home with me at nights and on the weekend.  I'm cranky.  A lot.  But, I chose this career and I am in it for the long haul. Some days, I even love it.  It is who I am and it is part of what makes me the mother I am to my kids.  Good and bad.  

So, back to that infuriating question.  It irks me because it implies that I've taken on more than I can handle, or that I have somehow shortchanged my designated roles as mother and wife for a career.  The short answer to the question is that I don't do it all.  At least, not the "all" that the question implies.  

To all my sisters in arms out there, just keep doing it your way. If we start defining that "all" differently, maybe our daughters won't get asked the same thing.

With that rant complete, I've got to jet.  My house is a wreck, and Ms. Sharon will just turn around and leave if I don't get it ready for her.    

Have a great weekend everyone.

Julie

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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Statutory Interest: A New Model for Florida

Prior to October 1, 2011, statutory interest was announced once a year by the Chief Financial Officer.  Go to this page to check the current statutory interest rate.  Beginning October 1, 2011, statutory interest will be announced once a quarter.  Because of the ways in which statutory interest rates are used by the courts, this has led to some confusion in one area:  prejudgment interest.

Prejudgment interest is an element of damages awarded primarily in contract cases.  The point of contract damages is to put the injured party where they would have been had the breaching party fulfilled their end of the contract.  The simplest example would be a promise to pay money:  the damages on breaking that promise is the sum not paid.  But to truly make the injured party whole, interest on that sum from the time the money should have been paid to the time of judgment is calculated by the court using the statutory interest rate in effect when the money should have been paid (the date of loss), and added to the judgment amount.  Then, the total judgment amount accrues interest at the statutory rate in effect when the judgment is entered until the judgment is paid.  So, in practice, one interest rate from say, 2008, would apply for prejudgment interest and another from a later year would apply for judgment interest.

Starting with October 2011, statutory interest will be announced every quarter, and judgment interest will be adjusted annually.  This will affect judgment interest in two ways.  First, the quarterly statement in effect when the judgment is entered will apply.  Thereafter, on January 1st of every year, the judgment interest will change.  Really not that big of a deal.

As to prejudgment interest, for any date of loss prior to October 1, 2011, the court will look to the annual statement of statutory interest for the year in which the loss occurred.  If the date of loss is after October 1, 2011, prejudgment interest should be determined by looking to the quarterly statement of interest within which the date of loss falls.  Nothing in the statutory language suggests that prejudgment interest should be adjusted annually.

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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Florida Homestead Law: From the Beginning

Besides the sugar white sands, emerald waters and a population that has a rather inexplicable obsession with monkeys, one of the perks to living in Florida is our homestead law.   In order to understand how homestead works, it is easiest to look at the law in the context of how it began. First, you have to know what it is, though.

Homestead protection is available to any real property owned by an individual that is their place of abode (and if temporarily absent, where they intend to return).  Inside the city limits, an individual may homestead up to a half acre of contiguous property.  Outside city limits, up to 160 acres of contiguous property may be homesteaded.   That's pretty much it:  the property has to be within the size limitations stated above, and it has to be where you live.   Without doing anything else, it is your homestead.  There's no form to fill out or registration to make, it just is. In order to get the full benefit of the homestead laws, you do have to take some action (which I will address later on in this post).

So, to the background.  Florida homestead law is thought to derive from the influence of Spanish colonial laws and the Civil War.  Context is everything right?  A little state history: Spain ceded ownership of Florida to the USA in 1819.  Florida became a state in 1845.  Florida, to our great shame, was a slave holding state.  In 1861, Florida seceded from the Union. During the Civil War, Florida was a supplier of salt, cattle, and men to the Confederacy. There were battles fought in Florida. Men went to war, and some of them never returned. At the time, there was no homestead law. The displacement of widows and children by creditors or family members must have been massive. Survival in the 1860's without the support of a husband was a major obstacle for any woman, whether or not she was also a mother.

Florida was readmitted to the Union in 1868 with a new constitution, usually referred to as the "Reconstruction Charter."  It was in this version of the Florida Constitution that the first homestead provisions appeared at Article IX.  The law protected the homestead from "forced sale" both during a man's life and even after his death.  The law also prohibited the "alienation" of the homestead by deed or mortgage without the wife's consent.  This consent provision was crucial.  Lastly, the law provided that the homestead descended to the wife and/or minor children and prevented the husband from deviating from this distribution by alternate devise in his Will.  In case it is bothering you, the gender specific terms used in this post are intentional.

Why was the consent provision so crucial and why was it so hard for a widow?  At the time the Reconstruction Charter was adopted, Florida did not have a Married Women's Property Act.  As hard as it is to fathom today, 150 years ago all of a woman's belongings (as well as the woman herself) became the property of her husband upon marriage.  A married woman could not own property:  chattel can't own chattel.  If not for the social stigma then attached to single parenting or "spinsterhood" I have to think many women would have given a hearty "NO THANKS" to any marriage proposals.  Florida was the last of four states to enact a Married Women's Property Act in 1943, almost 100 years after the first one was enacted.  Shameful, but not shocking.  Florida as a state has not been exactly "forward thinking" on women's rights.  Consider that Florida was dead last in ratification of the 19th Amendment to the US Constitution (women's right to vote), a full FIFTY YEARS after the amendment was passed into law.  Way to go, Florida legislature.  I procrastinate, but dang, that takes the cake and the candles.

So, the homestead law was therefore very important to a widow and her children, protecting them from creditors of the husband as well as the husband during the husband's life.  The law also protected the widow and children from the husband's Will, or his family, or his creditors after his death.  

The law remained pretty much unchanged until the Great Depression.  Many Floridians lost their homes within the first few years of the Great Depression because they could not pay their ad valorem (real estate) taxes.  So, the constitution was amended to add an ad valorem tax exemption for homesteads.  Originally, the exempt amount was $5,000 of the fair market value.  In order to get the benefit of the ad valorem tax exemption, you have to declare your homestead.  Your local Property Appraiser's office can clue you in on the specifics.  Here's a link to the contact info for all property appraisers in Florida by county.   Here's a link to the State's information page on homestead.  Here's a link to the current Homestead constitutional provision (Article X, Section 4).  

One misconception about homestead law is that it makes your homestead inviolate.  Not so.  If you apply for Medicaid assistance, only the first $500,000 in equity is exempt.  If you instruct the Personal Representative of your estate to sell your homestead in your will, then it loses homestead protection.  The IRS can always wade in and take it on a federal lien (Federal law trumps state law), a materialman can foreclose a Claim of Lien under the Construction Lien Law, a mortgage holder (if they've gotten the appropriate spousal consent) can foreclose their mortgage, and you can lose your homestead through a tax deed if you don't pay your ad valorem taxes.  There's also a chance of losing your homestead status in Bankruptcy if the court perceives that you haven't played by the rules.

In addition, just because property is your homestead, that doesn't mean that judgments or liens against you won't be sitting there to ruin your day.  If judgments are recorded against you and you try to refinance or sell your homestead, a title company will not insure the title unless the judgments or liens are satisfied, released, or you go through a process to formally declare the property your homestead.  To do this, you have to file a declaration with the clerk of court who then mails notice to all lienholders.  A waiting period occurs and if there are no responses, you are done.  If a lienholder objects, they have to file a declaratory judgment action to determine the issue.  Objections are rare:  your property either is your homestead or it isn't.  Here's a link to the statute for removing liens before levy, which contains the basic form of the pleadings.  If a judgment holder is trying to levy against your homestead, the process  for removing liens after levy is different.

So, there it is.  Enjoy, especially the ladies.  We have a way to go, for sure;   but  I am never so happy to be living in this day and age than when I look at these old laws.

Julie

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Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved Julie Ann Sombathy

Sandals on Friday (and one bag)

Tommy Hilfiger Bag;  Target Sandals

Due to an ear infection, I haven't been sporting many high heels.  I'm strictly flats and kittens for the foreseeable future.  Hopefully I can get back into the skyscrapers by mid-June.  I miss them.  I do love some of my flat sandals, though and as of May 1st, it is officially hot as Hades in Panama City so no worries.


I have been wearing these sandals from Target regularly.  They are comfortable, cost less than $20 and they're animal print;  therefore, they match everything.  I also picked up a new bag in TJMaxx (above).  This bag reminds me of Memorial Day, Independence Day and picnics.  Never a bad thing.



These sandals are also from Target and cost under $20.  I like the two toned blue color.  Very money.
Also from Target for little feet, I have been loving these sandals, which are so cute and they were about $13.  I love the combination of the brown leather and the pop of color.  Frances has decided she really likes that dayglo yellow color.

Bridesmaids on top, Bride on the bottom
by Steve Madden

Last but not least, I'm still digging my Steve Madden Brides, which I got on clearance late last summer for about $30. Yes, that makes me love them more.  I love the Bridesmaids too, but Brides are my faves.

Happy Weekend!

Julie

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Copyright 2012 All Rights Reserved Julie Ann Sombathy