2012: The Year in Review

January 2013 is Law On High Heels first birthday!

Looking back, my favorite personal post of 2012 is about my dad, who turned 70 in April. I also wrote a couple of posts on the never ending and annoying topic of "having it all" here and here.  My favorite posts on legal topics in 2012 were about homestead law, copyright law and appropriation art, and the GPS decision by the US Supreme Court.  Last but not least, the most viewed post on my blog for the year explains how to switch a car title after someone dies without having to see a lawyer.


January is a great time to make resolutions:  it is a new year, a fresh start, an identifiable demarcation between the past and the as yet undetermined future.  Any day could serve that purpose, but the first day of the new year just works, you know?  My resolution is to shake off the gloom of the last quarter of 2012, and move forward with optimism, even when I don't feel it.  Everything changes, like it or not, but change does not have to just happen to us.

So, Happy New Year, dear readers.  Here's to starting the year out with optimism, even if it is forced at times, and barreling headlong toward the future, no brakes.

Cheers,

Julie

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Manners: I sure wish more people used them!

This is a pet peeve post, so skip it if you aren't in the mood.

A few thoughts on manners, and why they are important.

Poor phone manners.  People!  When you call a residence, the ONLY acceptable way to greet the person answering the phone is by identifying yourself!  "Hi, this is Julie.  May I please speak to Bob."  I was taught this by my mother, and the practice was strictly enforced.  We were not allowed to call someone and say "Is Frances there?"  No way.  My kids were not allowed to use the phone until they learned this basic social skill and it really irks me when an adult does this.  Seriously.

Likewise, when you call a business, identify yourself and who you need to talk to. Simple.  The receptionist's job is to route you to the right person. For that she needs two key pieces of info:  your name and either the name of the person you want to talk to or the nature of your call.  That is it.  Don't just start talking about your problems, or spill your guts to the receptionist.  She has multiple lines to catch and most of the time she can't help you anyway.

Poor conversational skills.   I rarely start a conversation without first asking the other party "how are you?" or something similar depending on familiarity.  For example, I might ask after your kids if we've ever spoken about them or your sick dog if you had posted on Facebook that your dog was unwell.  The point being, to me good manners means showing interest in the other person you with whom I am interacting.  And I expect this courtesy in return:  at the very least, an interest in my day (I don't expect anyone to stalk me on Facebook).  Many people feel that "how are you" is a rote, meaningless question.  I disagree.  It greases the wheel, people.  Part of being a participant in society is extending the courtesies that make things roll.  Do I really want to know a whole lot about your life when I ask "how are you"?  Probably not.  But it is nice to know if you're having a bad day.  I might approach whatever we are going to discuss differently.  If your day is really stinking it up, I'm going to take that into account.  It may only mean that I tell you "I'm sorry, but I am not going to make it better," but still I am going to acknowledge it.

Poor Table Manners.  A very wise friend recently repeated to me her mother's philosophy on parenting:  We raise our kids for other people.

This is so, so true:  we teach our children manners and how to act so the rest of the world can tolerate them.

Teach your kids how to sit at a dinner table in a private home and eat without being an animal.  Utensils are not for show.  Napkins are your friend. I've had kids at my dinner table who didn't know not to reach over someone else's plate, to ask for an item to be passed to them, etc. Chew with your mouth closed!  If you don't like the convention of having a child ask to be excused from the table, that's fine.  But you should make sure they understand some homes expect it and how to watch and learn when eating at someone else's home.  And a  thank you at the end of dinner would be nice!  Also, kids should be taught how to order in a restaurant, how to not be a jerk to the waitstaff, what to do with your napkin, etc.  One day, your precious snowflake will have to venture forth without you, and if they don't know how to eat like a civilized adult, YOU FAILED AS A PARENT.

Poor Communication Skills.   This is a biggie for me.  If I haven't gotten a document to you, or responded to your email there's two ways to approach it.  One way is to be blunt.  "Why haven't you ....."  This assumes intentional conduct on my part and implies I am lousy at my job.  Alternatively, you can employ a little social convention I call giving the other guy a face saving opportunity.  This costs me nothing, and will most likely garner me some positivity from the recipient.  "Did you see my email?  I'm resending it, in case you missed it."  Something like that goes a long way with me.  Most of the time that gets a flat out admission from me that I forgot, have been slammed, etc. But the blunt approach gets off with me the wrong way every time.

THE BASICS: Please/Thank you/Excuse Me.  It galls me to have to include these, but there it is.  In my opinion, the worst offenders on this issue are adults.  When an adult doesn't use please/thank you/excuse me, I judge them.  Period, full stop.  Ask my kids, I say please and thank you in the drive through.  I'm shocked other people don't.  Kids are learners.  They get a pass;  the adult with them does not.  Every encounter is a learning experience for a kid and a teaching opportunity for the parent.  Do your job making your children tolerable for the rest of us.

All of this is to say that I am a big believer in the little courtesies.  Good manners on the phone, good conversational skills, nice table manners and above all, the basics.  All of these things keep the wheel moving, and make life more pleasant.  This is especially so for the part of life where we have to work.  Work is work:  I don't care how much you love it, it is still work.  I really appreciate the people I deal with who make the effort to make work a little more pleasant.  So little effort involved, such a huge payoff.

There is a segment of society that has embraced dropping the courtesies in favor of being "blunt."  Look, I'm happy for you if you have decided to take blunt to a new level.  Rock on with that.  But frankly, I think it just makes you look like an ass.  So stop already, no one is impressed with how hard you are bringing it.  No one.

So these are my thoughts for Friday.  I hope everyone out there has a great weekend!

Julie

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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Thoughts on Billing: E-Mails are Conversations

Abe Lincoln said "A lawyer's time and advice are his stock in trade."   


This concept is not any more complex than that:  my time and my knowledge are what I have to sell you, that's my "inventory."  


I've recently had a client communicate with me almost entirely in emails, over the course of several months.  Long emails.  Emails with attachments.  Emails to my assistant marked for me.  I've also had long phone conversations with this client, written letters for this client, etc.  Now, said client feels that reading and replying to those emails should not have been invoiced.  


If I represent you and we have a conversation about your case, you will eventually get a bill for that conversation.  What's a conversation?  A phone call, email, text messages, or an actual IRL face to face chat.  All of these are billable.  If you send me an email, that is like calling me or sitting in my office and talking to me.  The only difference is that you chose to send an email because it was more convenient for you, or it just seemed like the thing to do at the time.  Sending my assistant emails for me to read count as well.  Sending emails to "be put in my file" count too.  Why? Because down the road, you'll blame me if I don't know what was in that email and it won't matter to you that you didn't want to pay me to read it way back when. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.  Nothing goes in my file unless I have read it.  Period, full stop.


There are firms out there that churn their files, having several attorneys working the case, all of them reading everything and billing the bejeezus out of the client.  That's not my style.  But, I do expect to be paid for my time, ALL of it.  Would anyone really respect me if I didn't?  


Julie


NB:  Obviously, this post does not address all of the many facets
of billing on an hourly basis, or pro bono work, or when the time
clock gets turned on and off in a conversation. It also doesn't address 
engagement letters and such.  This is a rant, on a specific incident, not 
a treatise on billing.  


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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Having It All

"Having it all"

Man, that phrase annoys me to no end.  No one can have it all.  Dads who work and are the primary earner trade off on the experience of being the primary caregiver.  Always have, even when most moms were SAHM's.  SAHM's trade off the experience of being the primary earner.  The modern paradigm is a two earner household.  Mom and Dad are both making trade offs between their "traditional" roles, careers, child care, family, personal fulfillment, etc.

News flash:  That is just life.  We all make compromises.  Life involves making choices:  deciding how you are going to live, whether or not to have children, how to raise your children, make a living, worship... the list is endless.    You make your choices, those choices drive other choices, and so on and so forth.  You make your way through the maze.  Where you end up is not always determined by the first choice you made, but sometimes it is. Maybe you hit a dead end, turn around and try again.  Maybe you stay there, endlessly trying to walk through a brick wall.  Maybe you hit to sweet spot, take just the right turn, and get the golden exit (dying asleep in your bed with all your wits at a ripe old age with no regrets).

One thing is for certain:   you can't take every turn, you can't end up at every exit.

Obviously, there's much more at play on the "having it all" discourse, particularly from the woman's perspective.  Moreover, some people's choices are limited by their circumstance.  That's a whole other topic.  The point remains, nevertheless, that everyone makes choices and choices necessarily involve trade offs.  The real stinker here is that we women bought in to the concept that we can "have it all."  My sister in law likes to say "they told us we could have it all, they just didn't tell us no one would share it."  I think that's the real underlying issue:  the distribution of responsibilities, not having it all.  The overarching issue is the definition of "it all." Is it having the full caregiver role which is foisted on women (whether they want it or not) plus a career?  Why can't it be something different, and you know, realistic?


Everyone needs to quit trying to fit the square peg that is modern life into the round hole by which "it all" continues to be defined.


Julie


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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

A Travelogue

Pool View Room, Hard Rock Hotel, Orlando

We just took a vacation to Orlando. We stayed at the Hard Rock Hotel. We went to Islands of Adventure, City Walk, & Universal Studios Park. We ate way too much, walked about a thousand miles, and had a blast.

Why the Hard Rock? It is our favorite of the three Universal properties. The rooms are very nice, and the staff is friendly and competent. When there's a problem, they get right on it and make it better. And I do mean friendly, not pleasant or merely courteous. From the valet to the engineer coming in to check an outlet to the bellman on your way to check out, the staff is engaged, friendly and helpful. I cannot recommend the Hard Rock more.


In addition to the staff and great rooms, the pool is killer. They have a great slide. You can hear the music underwater. There's live entertainment. The poolside restaurant and bar is great. Here again, the service was great. They even do a movie poolside on some nights. Fun for everyone.

Hard Rock Orlando Lanyard

Another perk to staying at a Universal resort is the automatic Fast Pass. Your room key used to serve as your fast pass, but now you use the key to print a separate pass. The upside is that the fast pass line is even quicker now (Universal instituted this policy because room keys were being misused). The wait to make the pass was just a couple of minutes and it was easy. I would do it right away, not in the morning when you are ready to go to the parks. The only downside is that the tickets are paper, and degrade quickly in water. We finally broke down and bought a lanyard with a plastic pouch for carrying the passes. There's even some lanyards that come with a sealable pouch.

If you stay at a Universal Resort, you also get in both parks an hour early. At Islands of Adventure, Harry Potter world is open. We got into Ollivander's Wand Shop in under 20 minutes, and then practically walked on the ride in Hogwart's. The wand show can have waits of up to 3 hours, so doing it first is the only way to fly.

We go for the wet rides at Islands of Adventure, so we wear our suits with cover ups & t-shirts. I usually end up with a tote of some kind with dry shirts, etc. It is so hot though that we dried off quickly. Word to the wise: the stuff you carry will expand to fill the space available. Choose your tote wisely.  By the last day, I was carrying a clutch sized cross body bag and telling everyone to carry their own freight.



Two things I discovered this trip: a sunscreen and a makeup product. The sunscreen is by Banana Boat. The SPF is 85, and it works. Don't believe the can, it is greasy as can be. But it works.  No sunburn.

 The makeup is a Beauty Balm by Smashbox. The SPF is 35 and it works. This is one of those BB Creams that is 5 in 1. I was not loving it until this trip, but I am now a true believer. I went all day and half the night taking several waves of water to the face and my makeup was still there at the end of the day. Good stuff.

The Hulk, Islands of Adventure
Universal Studios, Orlando

New rides: I got shamed into riding Dragon Challenge, and it was every nightmare I've ever had or imagined rolled into one upside down twisted experience. I don't recommend it.  I also tried out The Hulk, which was awesome.




Hope everyone has safe and wonderful travels this summer!



Julie

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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved

Jessica Simpson Platforms for Hump Day

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Christie's shoe game is fierce today

How I Do It "ALL"

At least once a month, I hear some variation of the following: 

 "You're a wife, a mother, a lawyer, you own your own business.....I just don't know how you do it. How do you do it all?"

This question, depending on whatever outside factors are at play, rarely fails to incite a towering rage within;  sometimes, I even feel the need to punch the speaker in their stupid pie hole.  I know most people are in their way, probably attempting to compliment me;  nevertheless, my inner dialogue when this conversation takes place goes something like this:  

"Wow, I've never been asked THAT before.  I bet Bob* has never once been asked "You're a husband, a father, a lawyer, and you hold down a full time job with immense responsibility to your community to put murderers in prison.  How do you do it all?"  NOT ONE TIME HAS HE BEEN ASKED THIS INSULTING QUESTION.  NOT ONE TIME."

*My long suffering, saintly husband, awesome father to my

two children, grill master, and bad ass attorney extraordinaire.

Where does the notion that I, as a woman, am less able than a man to handle the same responsibilities of an adult with a job and children?  Is it because men are not expected to be the primary child rearing parent?  Or because I am, based on my gender alone, supposed to be the more "involved" parent.  What a slap in both our faces.  In one fell swoop, the speaker has insulted both me and my husband.  

And in that question there is this implication that I am somehow NOT prioritizing things correctly.  Perhaps that is my personal issue:  some lingering guilt over not staying at home and cutting the crusts off their sandwiches and putting little inspirational notes in their pack lunches....  Then I remember, that's not me.  That's this idealized mother that some advertising guy in the 50's came up with and the collective swallowed up hook, line and sinker.  

My mother was and remains a phenomenal mother.  She cooked, she cleaned, she even worked part time.  Our family was the focus of her world, and I don't think she regrets a minute of it. Our home was spotless, always. She packed our lunches in little brown bags, or in our chosen lunch box of the school year.  I never ironed a shirt.  Our clothes were hanging in our closet ironed.  I still marvel over this one to this day.  A girl on the hall in my dorm had to teach me how to iron a pair of pants (thank you Betsy!).  But even though I did not know how to run the washer and dryer until the day I left for college (we had a 5 minute tutorial in front of the w/d right before I drove off), my brother and I were not cosseted.  We didn't leave the nest unique little snowflakes harboring a sense of entitlement due to the sheer fact of our existence.  

My mother did it all, but she did it her way.  And really, in the mommy wars, the woman who does it her way and tells everyone else to bugger off is the winner.

I'm not my mother.  I don't cook that much because I do not enjoy it in the least.  When I do cook something elaborate for them, I like to think my kids know how much I love them because they sure know how much I do not enjoy cooking.  I'll pack their lunch, if they ask nicely and remind me several times.  Advance notice is required.  I even recently cut crusts off of a PB&J for my son (extenuating circumstances there of an orthodontic nature).  I really hate laundry.  I only iron in the most dire of circumstances.  My house isn't a health code violation, mainly because we choose to have a wonderful person come in and do that for us on a regular basis.  My ladies at work know my kids well because sometimes they have to go pick them up and take them places for me.  Or, my kids come to my office with me for whatever reason.   I drive my son crazy getting him places on time (there's two sides to that story....he's light on advance notice and details) and I am constantly having to get things done at the last minute.  Nevertheless, somehow, Bob and I manage to take care of our kids and so far, I think we are doing a decent job of turning out some quality human beings.  

I work.  Probably not as hard or as efficiently as I should, but there it is.  I own my own business.    I am responsible to four other people and their families every other Monday to make payroll.  My career is stressful, adversarial as hell, time consuming.  Often it comes home with me at nights and on the weekend.  I'm cranky.  A lot.  But, I chose this career and I am in it for the long haul. Some days, I even love it.  It is who I am and it is part of what makes me the mother I am to my kids.  Good and bad.  

So, back to that infuriating question.  It irks me because it implies that I've taken on more than I can handle, or that I have somehow shortchanged my designated roles as mother and wife for a career.  The short answer to the question is that I don't do it all.  At least, not the "all" that the question implies.  

To all my sisters in arms out there, just keep doing it your way. If we start defining that "all" differently, maybe our daughters won't get asked the same thing.

With that rant complete, I've got to jet.  My house is a wreck, and Ms. Sharon will just turn around and leave if I don't get it ready for her.    

Have a great weekend everyone.

Julie

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Copyright 2012 Julie Ann Sombathy All Rights Reserved